Harry Lintell Trauma – when good times go very, very bad

"I peed and it was like pissing razorblades. I can’t explain how gnarly it was..."

Harry Lintell Trauma – when good times go very, very bad…
The Trauma of Harry Lintell

Come on Harry, set the scene. Where are we?

We are in The Little Driver pub, in Bow, London. Rye’s drinking stout, I’m drinking Carlsberg, Leon (Walton)’s here and (Mark) Kendrick. It’s rained and we were out skating; that’s why we’re in the pub.

So you had a pretty bad accident back in July that people might have been made aware of via your Instagram. Take us back to the beginning of the ordeal. You were in Paris, right?

Yeah, I was in Paris at the famous plaza with the red and white floor…Créteil. We were there on a filming mission for Volcom. I wasn’t skating at that point actually; I’d already skated that trip but I wasn’t skating that spot. I was just chilling, skating flatground, I’d had a few beers…and then it all went wrong, (laughs).

What happened? What were you skating?

As we were leaving, some local brought out a DIY rail, like a really mellow handrail that went down the three-block there. You had to gap into it a little bit. Axel (Cruysberghs) and I started skating it.

I boardslid it, Axel 5050’d it, then I went to back lip it and I sacked it at the end of the rail.

I’ve seen the footage and it looked like a really mellow tap on the end of the rail, nothing dramatic…

It was not epic at all. I tapped the last little bit of the rail, it looked so shit on the footage. I was in loads of pain though, holding my dick and shit, freaking out, and everyone there, like Chris Pfanner, Dustin (Dollin) and Axel, they were saying “you should check yourself in case something’s wrong or you’ve lost a ball or something”, but I was like “nah, it’s fine, it’s fine”.

I decided to check, I put my hand down my trousers for less than a second, I literally just tapped my dick and brought my hand back out, and my whole hand was covered in blood. I started freaking out. I needed to pee actually before doing this so I went over to the corner of the plaza and was looking at my dick, and there were no cuts anywhere, nothing…but I was looking at my dick and blood was just spurting out. I wasn’t peeing or anything, but blood was just spurting out of it.

I really started freaking out then, so I thought, “I need to pee anyway so I’m going to pee now and this is all going to blow over. There’s going to be a bit of blood and it’s going to hurt, but after that it’s all going to go away”. I peed and it was like pissing razorblades. I can’t explain how gnarly it was, the pain was insane and it felt like pee was escaping into my body.

There was so much blood too. It was like blood, then pee, then I stopped peeing and the blood just kept coming. I started shaking, I threw up, then everyone heard it and saw all the blood everywhere, they came over and I lay down, then they called the ambulance.

This fag and the proximity to a bin should help

Harry Lintell trauma

Beast of a fifty fifty - pray to the lord for no slippages on this one. Photo: Jelle

Is that one of the pictures we’ve seen: you on the floor in a pool of blood?

Yeah. I was laid on my side with my dick out in front of everyone, and blood was just trickling out. But like I said, there wasn’t a cut anywhere on the outside of my body. So they called the ambulance and took me to the hospital. And that’s an even gnarlier story, (laughs).

What did they do when they got you in the ambulance? Did they do anything to help stop the bleeding?

Nah, they just put me in the ambulance. I didn’t get any painkillers or anything, they just took me to the hospital, put me in a bed and a doctor came and told me they needed to do tests.

Had the bleeding stopped by this point?

Nope. It was still going, still trickling out, like a constant stream as if I was leaking, basically. But the first two days I was in hospital, there was a doctors and nurses strike in France, so there was a lack of staff at the hospital, which made things even worse.

I bet. So what happened on the first day in the hospital?

I got there and they were like, “right, you’ve got to go for an MRI, we’ll inject some stuff in your arm then you’ll have to pee again in the scan again, that way we’ll know if there are any holes”. So I did that and I pissed out like weird clotted blood. I was in so much pain again, screaming, and they were like, “you need a catheter up your dick, a pipe all they way up to your bladder. This thing is going to be strapped to you, you’re not going to have to pee, that will just happen”.

And I was like, “nah, I don’t want it. If I don’t need to have it I don’t want it. I peed in the scan and it wasn’t that bad”…and that was stupid as fuck.

Come 2am I needed to pee really bad, and none of the doctors spoke English. This one doctor kept coming in and I was like, “I fucked up, get a catheter, get the doctor…urethra, trauma” all of this, and he just said, “good night” in French, turned the light off and left. I was like “what?” so I called for the doctor again and he did the same thing, he thought I was some crazy British tourist…

So I get up, in my nightie, and there’s blood everywhere, all over my nightie, like I’d pissed myself with blood, drip in my arm, still dirty from skating, and I’m walking around the hospital. I went down fifteen floors trying to find someone to help me, to call the doctor. I was trying to use all the same words they’d used, like ‘urethra’, ‘trauma’, all of this, and no one could help me. I went back to the room, which was a shared room with an old man, an 80-year-old man who I think had the same thing, and I was like, “right, I’m going to go to the toilet, going to pee, and it’s not going to be so bad”. So I get there and I’m like “here I go”, and for the first second and a half nothing happened but I could feel it flowing, then I felt it building up, then a massive, massive blood clot, like the size of a golfball with a little string on the end, flew out of my dick and splattered on the wall of the hospital, and then it flowed, and it was red blood mixed with pee, and the same intense pain again.

I was screaming, literally screaming, “Help me! Somebody help me!” I couldn’t take it. I was sat on the toilet, shaking, literally about to pass out, I really thought I was going to pass out, and the nurse came back and saw this happening, saw the blood all over the floor, all over the wall, and he was like ‘ahhh…’ as if he finally understood.

The nurse came that night and put the pipe in, and when they put the pipe in there was no numbing cream or anything. You can get morphine but I didn’t really want morphine; five days on that and I’ll be tweaking out. So the nurse gets your dick, gets the pipe, and just pushes. She just pushes until it gets to your bladder wall, then they tell you to wiggle your feet. You know when you need to pee and you jump up and down? It’s because your moving your ankles and that movement opens up your bladder a little bit. So you wiggle your feet and they ram the pipe in, they inflate this thing inside to stop it coming out, a ‘knuckle’ it’s called, then that’s it; it just flows. There’s no pain then at least because the cut isn’t being touched by anything.

This was just day one, (laughs).

Absolute balance is the key when boardsliding up rails - that and the confidence in cast iron duds. Photo Jelle

So they’d diagnosed that you’d ruptured your urethra by now I take it?

Yeah, they didn’t say how badly at this point, they just knew that I’d ruptured it.

After the catheter got put in then, what happened next? Wasn’t the second day in the hospital just as bad?

So the whole time this was happening, I was just leaking, just bleeding. They’d wrapped me up, kind of like wrapped a tortilla around my dick with a load of stuff in to soak up all the blood, with a sort of nappy on. I wake up in the morning and the whole bed was soaked in blood. My nightie was covered in blood, I’m covered in blood, and all my pubes and everything were matted with blood.

The nurse came and saw it, we changed the bed sheets, cleaned me up, I had a shower and got back into bed, then two hours later it was the same thing, same amount of blood…and this just happened all day, until the evening.

That night they were like “right, we’ve got to put in the medium pipe in and stretch you more”. There would be more compression with the medium pipe to help stop the bleeding because they thought the cut was still bleeding. Before they put the medium pipe in, they put like some compression on my gooch with tape, to push it up and hold it in place with tape. So they take the first pipe out, deflate the knuckle and whip it out, and that didn’t actually hurt, so the nurse goes to put in the medium pipe and she asks Christian (Vankelst – Volcom Europe TM) to leave the room, and he says to her, “nah, I need to stay and translate”, so she gave him some gloves and says, “you need to help then”.


Yep. So when she’s putting the pipe in, it’s Christian who is holding it. I’m laying there in so much pain thinking, “what the fuck is going on? My team manager is holding my dick (laughing), I’m covered in blood, I’m struggling to stay awake because I’m so tired and I’m not sure this nurse knows what she’s doing”.

So she’s got the pipe in half way and it gets stuck, she can’t push any further, and it’s because she’s got this compression on my gooch. So she had to take the pipe back out, cut this compression off which has now left scars on my groin where they ripped it off, it’s stretched my skin…they used the wrong tape for sure. Then they managed to get this medium pipe in.

Day three started the same as day two – I go to bed, wake up and there was blood everywhere. Now I had weird blood clots wrapped around the pipe where the blood had come out of my dick and around the pipe. After they saw this they were like, “right we’re going to take you to surgery, we’re going to go inside your dick with a camera and shock the cut with electrodes until it stops bleeding”. They were going to burn the cut closed.

They were going to cauterize it?

Yep, cauterize it. They said, “your dick muscle isn’t that far away from the cut so it might work, it might not, the muscle might never be as strong…we’ll just have to see”. But if I didn’t stop bleeding I was going to die, basically.

How much blood did you end up losing in total?

I think in pints, I’m meant to have 13.1 if I’m healthy, and I had 7.2 before the bleeding stopped. I nearly lost half of my blood. If I went below 7, I’d have been dead; my heart wouldn’t have had anything to really pump.

So they were going to take me to surgery. By this point my team manager wasn’t there because visiting hours weren’t in action, so I had to just say yes and see what happened. I was lying on the surgery table like, “please don’t fuck this up, look after me guys”.

I woke up after the surgery and I’d had the biggest pipe you could possibly have…the ‘max pipe’ (laughs), XL…this thing was bigger than a pen, not quite a marker but bigger than a biro. They said, “we didn’t have to cauterize the cut. The cut you had was only 5mm, it was tiny”.

The reason there was so much blood was because when I peed at the skate spot and the hospital before getting the first pipe, it all backfired into my bladder. When they went in they saw the cut and could see signs of healing, they went into the bladder and there was a massive blood clot in there. They cleaned it all out as much as they could, to the point where I wasn’t going to die at least (laughs), and they were like, “that was the reason you kept bleeding, you didn’t even need the biggest pipe in there” but they left it in anyway because it was better for me to have apparently.

Mr Keppens lurks in the bushes and shoots one off. Switch backside flip. Photo Jelle

How long did they keep you in hospital for after the surgery? You weren’t realised on the spot I’m guessing…

They kept me in for two days but I had the pipe for another week after that, and I stayed with my team manager Christian at his brothers’ house.

You obviously don’t pee with the catheter in, it just drains out and you flick the valve to empty the bag. I could empty the bag outside and that was fine, in a bush or something, but if I saw a toilet, my brain would tell me I needed to pee and my bladder would start to push, and the holes are too small in the catheter so you’re gushing and you have these contractions as if you’re pregnant, the doctor said.

I couldn’t look at a toilet for a week; I had to forget about it.

I had the pipe for a week then they whipped it out and now my dick works fine (laughs). Let me make that clear to all the ladies out there, too – it’s better than ever; if anything it’s stronger, (laughs).

Seriously though, it’s perfect, it’s back to normal, there are no scars…the only difference is I now piss like a horse (laughs). My pipe is so straight it’s a joke.

This grind is crooked but Harry's cock isn't. Photo - Jelle Keppens

Leon: Is it the same when you’re, you know, with a girl? Do you stick them to the ceiling?

When I got the pipe out that was one of the first things I did. I was actually pretty stoked with myself; I’m not going to lie, like, “damn!”

One morning when the pipe was in I got ‘morning wood’, and it was the worst thing I’ve ever felt. There was so much pain. The valve on the pipe isn’t designed for you to get a boner, so from the end of your bellend to the valve isn’t that big, so when you’re erect, the valve is getting pushed into your urethra.

I was screaming, splashing water on my dick trying to get it go away…that was gnarly, getting a boner with the pipe wasn’t that good. But I got paranoid so I looked it up, and it says you can still have sex whilst you’ve got these pipes in. You can bend it over and put a condom on, and then you can just go for it, (laughs). That’s what the NHS fucking say!

How long was it before you could get back to skating then? I assume everything is fine again now as you’ve been skating loads, we just came back from Shop Riot in Madrid too and you weren’t holding back there.

I couldn’t skate for a month after. They were like, “even if you fart too hard you can tense up rip the cut open, and if you do that it’s another pipe, more surgery and less chance of your dick ever working again.”

I definitely got off really lucky, but it was hell. I heard stories off people on Instagram, had people direct messaging me, and they were like, “I feel your pain, I’ve had this for nine months now”. Nine months!

Anyway, that was my horrific dick story…told to you in The Little Driver, (laughs).

In the words of Free ‘All Right Now’. Photo – Jelle

Harry Lintell Trauma

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